My grandfather died four weeks ago. Three weeks ago, my mama was diagnosed with cancer. Forgive me if I got too deep, too quick, but I don't really feel like
beating around the bush with this one. It seems to me that each one of
my sling diary posts has hit exactly at the time of a life changing
event. Then, even though I would much rather talk about the happiest
things and put on my biggest smile, I can't go through life pretending.
Losing my grandfather was the first time that someone dear to me
passed away and with him being in the other side of the world, it didn't
make things any easier. My family and I talked a lot and we truly felt so
blessed and at such a peace knowing what a beautiful and long life he
led and the legacy that he left behind. Just when I started to grasp life without him on this earth, my dad
called me with the shocking news about my mom. I don't want to say the c
word, and I hate how quickly everything is happening. Like I haven't
even had time to process what's going on and I'm not sure she has too,
but by the time I finish this post, her first day of chemotherapy will start. I
used to make chemo under the hood in the pharmacy on weekends. Not that
it matters, but it just hits me as so odd that there will be a
pharmacist somewhere making those same infusions I used to make for
strangers, for my own mother.
I don't doubt that my mother will be cured, however I do know that both
her and my whole family are stricken with grief that she even has
to endure this. The fatigue and pain and side effects, my husband called
it anticipatory grief. One minute I'm laughing and doing great, then
the next minute I cry so hard that my vision is left blurry. "Mama
okay? Mama sad?" Ariella says. I wish I can talk about this all in the
past tense kind of like goodness it was so hard but we made it through
and everything is wonderful...but the reality is
that we are going through this right at this very moment. We are in the
middle of the biggest move of our lives, so many changes coming our way, then I'm praying that when we
see my mama that she will still have her hair. When it rains, it pours
right?
Ironically, it poured today, so much so that the beaches had to close.
Somewhere
along these past three weeks, Ariella learned the word funny and looks
at us and says "mama funny!" or "daddy funny!" It is the cutest thing in
the world and we always giggle so much. She started making funny faces
and noises and fake laughs at herself in the mirror and it's hilarious.
She gets her loud and boisterous laugh from me, my love says. Gwendolyn just started
making those adorable baby giggles that brighten everyone's day. I'm
pretty certain that we spend many of our days doing more laughing than anything
else though. And when you hear your children laughing, there is nothing that
can take that joy away from you. They don't know the pain of yesterday
or the woes of tomorrow, they just know that right here right now, it is
the greatest moment that they have ever lived and they relish in it, as
should we. They fully embrace the fleeting nature of life and remind
me of it every single day. I am so thankful that I don't have the
opportunity to completely submerse myself in some of life's sadness
because they have taught me how much there is to laugh about.
When
we passed our neighbor today, we talked about the weather because
there's like a rule somewhere that says you have to talk about the
weather with your neighbors right? He complained about the downpour and I
complained about the humidity making it hard to breathe but then he
said something that turned the whole conversation around. He said I'm so
glad that it's raining though, that's what makes our land lush and
green. This perspective made me think that maybe it's a good thing that it's pouring in our lives as well. I know we will all come out of it stronger than ever, and my
family will be united in the most beautiful of ways.
We
booked our flights to see my mom in a few short weeks. I want to see
her so bad but what I want even more is for her to see our baby girls.
I know that just being around them will bring her so much happiness and
maybe her pain will get better, even if it's just for a few moments at a
time. I truly believe that laughter is the
best medicine, because it's good for the soul. And when it is well with
my soul, then it is well.
It is well.
*the sling that I am photographed wearing Gwendolyn in is Pink Sand from the simple silk collection of slings provided to me by Sakura Bloom. Again, I am so
grateful and humbled for the opportunity to work with a company that I absolutely
love*
