Daddy

I think these photos describe him better than I can.  

Being a father suits him better than I could have ever imagined. 

I know you'll read this tomorrow when you check your email, even though I can feel your warm breath and gentle spirit right here next to me.  I love you and while words or actions can never truly say or show how much I love you and what you mean to me and what it has been like being your wife and raising our children with you by my side and watching you dance with them and love them and protect them and sing Daniel Tiger songs and pick the right slice of cheese and give them baths and wake up at night when they cry, I shall spend my eternity trying.

Signed,

your beloved.

messes and roses

This will most likely be the last time that I will be documenting as a mother of one, and a family of three, God-willing.  As I stand here typing, I am also doing my exercises to hopefully bring on labor soon.

Much of the communication between my loves and I lies in the words of a flower.  

~I needed a head shot, but since I have never been one to comply with societal or business standards, I chose to make something that defined something about my heart and whose I am.

~I used to cringe at the thought of messes, the compulsive part of me eats pizza with a fork and a knife.  Then Ari Love taught me something life changing, that true beauty lies in all of the seasons of life, and especially in the messy ones because that is where most of our growth is done. 

~I have found that a beautiful rose infused bath can completely change your outlook on how you view the mess that got you there in the first place.  If we were to play a game of "he loves me, or he loves me not," I tell her that she will never need to worry because every single petal that will ever come off that rose will be one of the never ending love that her daddy and I will always have for her.

~We bought another bed that we added on to the side of our king size bed so that Ari Love can have her own space while still in the same room with us, but she still prefers to be cuddled up right next to me and my baby belly.

~I have a secret, when I feel good, she feels good.  After breakfast most mornings, I try to put on a little make up and fix both of our hair.  My "real mom" reality is not yoga pants and t-shirts, or "messy hair don't care" because it's just not me and I do care, and that's ok.  

~Rose tea brings so many memories close to my heart, I am a believer in that if you eat and drink beautiful things, it will change the way you feel on the inside. 

~Saturdays are our most favorite days because the spontaneity of them always turns into moments in the day to cherish forever.  We dip our feet in the healing ocean and soak our skin in the rejuvenating power of the sun.  At 40 weeks pregnant and still wearing our Love, it makes me feel strong, my husband tells me how proud he is to walk by my side, and I always have a free hand for him to hold tight.

~I used to think that having a natural birth was the greatest feat of strength that I had ever accomplished, that is until I nursed while pregnant.  The difference for me was birthing naturally was more of a sprint, while nursing while pregnant is a marathon.  Do they make stickers for my car for that? haha  It has taught me the power of taking things one day at a time.  I'll be honest and say that I didn't think I would make it until now but we have and it brings tears to my eyes to think that we are still nursing strong.  Brent and I both really wanted Ari Love to nurse until 2 and beyond, and there were nights when he would look at me so apologetically, and my response to him would be, "you do it!" hahah  I couldn't have made it without his support and belief in my strength and so here it is documented forever and ever, 40 weeks and nursing our beautiful 17 month old and it is a time that I will hold on to for as long as I can.

~We only have 4 coffee mugs, but there is incredible power and love in simplicity.  Every morning when I wake up, I find that my darling husband intentionally left me the same mug that he drank his coffee in right next to the coffee pot.  Sharing this little gesture of love with him leaves me feeling like it's a Saturday morning, when we are enjoying our coffee together while watching the sunrise. 

~Emulating one of my favorite things about being her mamma.  There are so many times when I feel like a failure, but on this particular day, the tears didn't stop from flowing because I felt like somewhere along the line, I must have done something right.

~I paint her toes during naptime, because the look of complete joy and gratitude in her face when she wakes up trumps anything else that I should be doing while she sleeps.

"For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction."   

recent work

Photography became my passion while I was in pharmacy school, a refuge for my very dominant right brain when my left brain was constantly immersed in chemical structures, pharmaceutics, and mechanisms of action.  I never thought that leaving the world of pharmacy and becoming a full time wife and mother to my loves would mean that I would finally have the opportunity to pursue my wildest dreams.  But it has and with so much gratitude in my heart, I thank God every single day for the privilege of finding my true self in my commitment to my husband, our babies, and to Him.

While I am working on my photography website, I thought I would give you a little peak at some of my most recent professional work.  Miracle baby Eleanor Grace radiated through her parents and photographing this beautiful family who we are so blessed to call friends could not have been any more rewarding.  I'm not sure that I could even consider this as actual "work" because of how much fun we all had.  Ariella ran through the sand and of course, ate it in heaping fulls.  My love assisted me in taking care of our daughter while mama focused and shot away, and also in his incredible encouragement.  We are a team and not only am I living proof that dreams do come true, but so are Jordan and Ashley.  They prayed for a baby for 10 years, and now here she is.  

For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him. 

1 Samuel 1:27

This is my submission to the I Heart Faces Photo Challenge of Rain or Water!  No matter if I get picked or not, I am continually so inspired by the amazing photographers that joined in the challenge <3

 iheartfaces

*If you would like to book a photography session with me and are located in Honolulu, please contact me via email at {madina dot lawlis at gmail dot com} for more details and pricing information*

celebrating a revolution

It has taken me such a long time to find the right words to write this post and I am not really sure why.  Perhaps it's because I am in denial of the fact that the Earth has already done more than an entire revolution around the sun since the birth of the child that made my love and I parents.  Perhaps it's also because we now have a toddler...a very curious, beautiful, intelligent, and extremely active one year old.  She has always been all of those things, but finding time to write now that she can run around and get literally into anything and everything is a bit more tricky...but there is also so much beauty in it.  I don't want to miss a single thing.  Sometimes I am so overwhelmed with creativity and the desire to sit and jot my thoughts down or edit photographs for just a few minutes...

So much happens in "just a few minutes" in toddler time.  Like when she stands in front of the mirror when she thinks no one is watching and bats her eyelashes sweetly then smiles so big at herself...she gets that from her daddy :P  Or when I'm done dressing her and putting her hair in little pig tails and she takes a moment to hug and kiss me for taking time to get her ready as well.  Yesterday, while in the process of writing some of this post, she woke up from her nap and when I laid with her in our bed, she hugged me so tight and fell right back asleep in my arms.  I played with her long, dark eyelashes and let that beautiful moment really sink in.  For a whole two minutes on Sunday, our precious Ariella Love said "I love you" over and over again, to her daddy and then to me.  It was loud and clear and I could have never imagined a more perfect two minutes in my life to witness.  If you would like proof, I uploaded a video of that precious moment on my Instagram (@city_of_hearts).  I promise you, she said it. 

I would go through another 20 hours of natural labor every single day for the rest of my life.  I am so thankful that I wrote down our birth story (you can find it here) because I have miraculously forgotten much of it.  I sometimes go back and read it just to remember what it was like, but then I come to a very humbling realization.  "Our" birth story was as much for me as it was for her.  If I am going to be really honest with myself, it was much more for me.  I needed to feel strong and empowered, this has always been my nature.  I thought it would help set the tone for my entry into the beautiful world of motherhood, and it has and I am so grateful.  In the grand scheme of things though, it's not really about me at all.  This little girl, in her short life on Earth has done more birthing than I ever will in my entire life.

Happy birthday sweet Ari Love.  Thank you for making my love your daddy.  I've always loved him, but when I see him playing and giggling with you, I love him more now than I ever thought possible.  Thank you for making me your mama and helping me realize that I am strong enough.  You have shined Jesus' light since you were conceived and He works through you every day to show me things that I have been so blind to before.

Your grandparents flew all the way from Texas just to be at your birthday party.  Every single person that we invited came with a huge smile on their face just to celebrate your special day.  I know you won't remember but my favorite part was when we all sang you happy birthday and you realized that all of this was for you.  You smiled and clapped so joyfully for yourself, and your daddy and I cried.

So while your mama has a 20 hour birth story, you precious girl have a whole life's worth of life changing birth stories, day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute.  I promise I won't let any of them to go unnoticed. 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.  (Psalm 139:13-16)