Friday, September 19

the 13th week

13 weeks have already flown by, and I am here pondering how we already got this far.
How my heart seems to be growing with my belly, when I really thought it was already as full as it can ever get.
My unquenchable craving for dates.
When I was pregnant with Ariella, every day seemed to last a lifetime.  Now, I feel as though I need to cherish the time when it seems to slow down, as our days of being a family of three are dwindling.
I am learning to love the hard days, as much as the easy ones.
The nights...well, I am slowly learning to embrace those as well.
I am finding so much joy in sharing such a beautiful journey with so many of my dear friends, new, and old, some of whom know me in person, and others whose kindred spirits connect us through this amazing world of social media.  I could not be more grateful for this community.
I am taking it day by day, though most times, hour by hour, because the weeks of extreme nausea and fatigue were trying.  Thankfully, they have passed as the 13th week is the magical number for me.

Being pregnant the second time is nothing like the first time I've come to understand, or the third, fourth, or even tenth time.  Every soul growing inside a woman comes with a different experience. So just when I thought that I was now possibly immune to the awe inspiring moments of growing a life, I actually became even more awe inspired of this great miracle.

The excitement of picking out a boy name and a girl name has been so much fun and I am equally in love with both of them.  We find out our precious baby's gender in a few weeks and I am counting down the days...the suspense is so exciting, but I just don't think I could handle 41 or so weeks of it!  I am ready to speak and pray over our baby by name, and I hope you will do the same for us. 

We tell Ariella Love that mama is growing her baby brother or sister and she kisses my belly over and over...I find myself wiping away so many happy tears.  I don't think I've ever cried so much in entire life!  She has grown so much, and I am so confident in her ability to be the best big sister.

I'll be honest and say that amidst those happy tears, there have also been some tears of frustration, tears of fear, tears of anger...  There have been nights where I didn't feel capable, I felt weak, hormonal, alone, and extremely exhausted.  My love would sit with me while most of the world was still in a deep slumber, and remind me to find my strength in my Savior.  There, my peace would come.  There, even in my angry prayers and cries for help, He showed me unconditional love.

The next morning, I received a package from my father.  A package of dates and a darling note.

I've been waiting for this day for two years...

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

No comments:

Post a Comment