Saturday, May 25

Daddy Issues

Today, Brent and I had a really important talk about his role during Ariella's birth.

One of the most amazing things about Brent and I's relationship is that we talk about stuff...a lot.  We talk about everything, including the things we want to talk about and the things we would rather not.  Well, we talk about them anyway.  We talk about our feelings, our fears, joys, love, life,  present, future, passions, goals, insecurities, hurts..our inner most secrets.  When we're alone together, we are either talking, reading, writing, or playing music.  Sometimes it even amazes me.  I'm everyone like us?  Are we weird?  haha
Especially since we haven't been working and have spent almost every waking moment together for the past 7 months.  We are probably discussing something important to us for about 50-65% of our day spent together.

We never run out of stuff to talk about.

He's my best friend.  I love him so much for that.

Especially since I was a horrible communicator throughout most of my young life (I mean who wasn't?)
I was always afraid that I would end up being in a relationship where I would bottle up my feelings and then eventually, spontaneously explode.

I thank God for bringing Brent into my life, because as soon as I met him, I knew I wanted to talk to him for the rest of my life.

So anyway, I went off on a tangent there.
Back to my conversation with Brent about child-birth.  So I've been reading different books on natural birthing and watching documentaries and films on birthing so that I can become more familiar with it.  I am positive that a natural birth is what I want.  I am also keeping in mind to not have these huge expectations in case things change.  I have what I like to call, a "birth vision."  I know that I would prefer to be either at home or at a birth center, unless a hospital transfer is necessary for the baby's or my own safety of course.

While thinking about my birth vision lately, I realized that a pretty important component of the whole birthing experience is your spouse's involvement/encouragement.  What I also realized was that I think I just assumed that Brent knew that..  Like surely he would know what to do when it came time for it, right?

That was pretty ignorant on my part I must say.  I mean, why should he know that?  I realized that there are so many things that I know or seek to know because I'm the one with the baby kicking inside of me.  I know that Brent can try to understand and attempt to relate, but no matter what, he'll never truly understand what it's like to feel your baby kicking inside of you.  He sees my body change, my stomach stretch, my hair grow wild, my hormones rage, but he actually does not and cannot really feel or relate to any of it.

So why do I have this unrealistic expectation that he's just supposed to know what to do when it comes to me giving birth.

Heck, I don't even really know what to do!

I can imagine that for most men, reality probably kicks in when they actually see and get to hold the baby that they helped make.  I don't really think that it's the same for the women carrying and feeling this same baby for 9 months.  For me, I think reality hit when my stomach popped and I started looking pregnant.  Every morning, I was like whoa, there really is a baby in there!  Then it hit even more when she started kicking me.  It's freaking amazing, seriously.  A REAL LIVE miracle!

Ok, so back to daddy.  I guess I'm just a little upset at myself for not thinking that I should be coaching my wonderful husband on how to help me during a time where I will probably need him the most.  That's like setting him up for failure, right?
Maybe it's just me not accepting the fact that I will really need him.  Maybe I'm just more comfortable with him needing me.  In fact, that's how I thrive and it's something that I'm really good at.  I love to give him massages, head rubs, and back rubs.  I love to take care of him and do laundry, cook, and clean, and see him happy and comfortable.

Oh my goodness, I'm starting to sound like one of those "I need to be needed" cases...
A mild case maybe?
Lord help me.
Pregnancy has been a really huge learning experience for me.  Obviously.

When we talked about all this, Brent was like give me a list of things that I'm supposed to do.  On the spot, I could only come up with four.

1. Support me
2. Encourage me
3. Don't freak out on me (he can't stand to see me in pain and goes into this whole anxious energy rage haha)
4. Touch me (soothing massage, healing touch, and such)

If anyone has anything to add here, please feel free to comment and help me out :)

One of my really good friends brought up a conversation about something profound that I had never really considered before.  We discussed the curses that God imparted on Adam and Eve after they ate the forbidden fruit.  For Adam (man-kind), the curse is job-oriented: he will struggle to work the land (have a job) and will be concerned about providing for his family (being successful).  Brent definitely has been struggling a little with this, especially since we are expecting a baby while living this gypsy life.  I always remind him to remember that we are staying true to our promise of following God's call, He is our ultimate provider and will never let us down.  He's always like "OOh yeah, duh, thanks for the reminder honey!" and we continue on with our daily activities.

Eve's curse is to bear the pain of child-birthing.

When God sent his only son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for our past, present, and future sins, he also took away these curses.  So why do we still have these fears of not being able to fully provide for our family?  Why are we as women so deathly afraid of child birth?

As I'm writing this, I've decided to proclaim and declare that Jesus has taken away my labor pains.  I am going to enter this very exciting future experience with the most positive, fearless attitude that I can have.  I know I can do this.  I was made for this.  C'mon now ladies, get rid of that fear that was removed from our lives long ago.  Our culture is all that stands in our way, it wants us to be afraid and say that we can't do this.  I'm not having this "can't" attitude anymore.

I believe that our attitude determines our altitude.

Reality is believing.

I'm going to count on those four things that I told Brent to keep in mind while I'm in labor.  I have faith that he will be amazing, Ariella's birth will be beautiful, and I can do it.

"I CAN do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13


  1. Love this post!
    I had 4 epidurals...Best thing but for me childbirth is scary and that's for sure Adam and Eve curse. It is so beautiful. When you see your child for the first time and have all the joy and love you never had before...At least for me. I never really liked kids... My husband is always traumatized by the experience. LOL
    Enough about me...I love your attitude and you are right everything will go great! It is really a miracle and I am so glad you will experience it!

    1. Isabelle,
      I think it's wonderful that you have 4 children, I admire you so much!! We would love to have 4 kids as well, a big family sounds like so much fun! There are definitely times during this pregnancy, though, when my husband's facial expression tells me that he may be re-thinking that decision haha! I cannot wait to experience the joy that you have described, you are so lovely and I love following your blog :)