Overstimulated

Overstimulated
Overwhelmed with emotions, creativity, love, desire
Brain waves bouncing from every wall in my skull with nowhere to go
A great ball of energy
Powerful yet powerless
Is this what happiness physically feels like?
If so, then I've been very unhappy for a very long time
An electric shock wave sent through my body
Numbness takes over
The kind of numbness that makes the feeling of touch exponentially sensitive
Another shock wave
Two magnets with a polarity so opposite and powerful
making the attraction almost too great to bear
Dangerously close to never being able to pull away
Real?
Is this real?
Are you real?
Reality? A dream.  Surely a dream.
Phenomenons like this do not happen in real life
Vulnerable
The positive aspect of vulnerability, letting them in because it's ok
I trust myself to know the difference
A touch that makes me feel alive
The blood rushing through every vein in my body reminding me that I'm alive
and this is what I've been living for
While it makes no sense
It makes perfect sense
So let me live this
Let me die like this
Let this be the reason that I'm here
Why every decision has been worth the risk
1% person to 1% person
Real
and real is what makes reality
Freed
Never knowing that I was even caged
Until something inside of me let go
Something that had been dying to fly away
A part of me released
Only to make me feel whole and complete
No rules with no pressure
Just be
and do
and feel and say
Your eyes tell me a story that I want to hear
Your smile gives me a hope
Your lips give me comfort
Appreciation of truth
Honesty
A feeling that I through I had forgotten to trust
The honestly makes my feelings flow out
With no regard to censorship
I want you to know
I'm not scared
Overstimulated.


***Note to self:
After I posted this, I started reading some of the other stuff I wrote.  It has been a long time since I've even blogged due to lack of time, lack of motivation, etc.  I've been really busy and so many things have happened that I think I would have to spend a week writing just to encompass all of these events.  But I came to a realization that it took 3 months...The one most significant thing that has happened to me these past 3 months is what I wrote about today.  Scrolling down, I ready the "Mind of Overdrive" post that I had completely forgotten about.  I immediately compared it to what I wrote today and I almost started crying.  I think found what I've been searching for.  Just like the old cliche, it happened when I least expected it.  I'm not sure where it will lead, but all I know is that I'm happy today.  I was happy yesterday, and I will be happy tomorrow.  No matter what, I am so incredibly thankful for the opportunity just to even get to experience something like this.  At least I know it's real, and it's possible, and that's enough for me.