Saturday, April 23

Mind on overdrive

Is it something wrong with me?
When everyone else is moving forward
I can’t stop looking back
I’m tired of the same old things
Why is everyone else ok with monotony?
The conventional life is so
For me, happiness is more
Fulfilling my dreams and desires
I want to sing
Play guitar
Play piano
I want to love
I want someone to love me back
I want it to be right
I want it to be give and take
With love conquering all
I’m alone
But I’m not lonely...most of the time
I just don’t want to feel like life is passing me by
While I’m being unproductive in letting it move forward
I want to share these dreams and desires
With someone that has dreams and desires
I want to know that I gave it my all
I want to get to know the real me
I want to be all that I can be
What if with all this chasing
I missed something that was staring right at me
What if I’m chasing something that isn’t real
I have so many questions
I’m ready for some answers
Why is everyone ok with monotony
Why don’t they have all these questions like I do?
I look within me and realize I have nothing figured out
The only thing I have figured out is that I have nothing figured out
I just know that I’m searching for something
For someone
I’m happy
But there’s more to my happiness
I can’t be happy with norm
I don’t want to do things because it’s just what you do
I don’t want to get married just to get married
I don’t want to have kids just to have kids
I don’t want to work just to have a job
I don’t want live life just because I’m in it
Why am I here?
What is my purpose?
How will I make a difference?
I want to fall in love
So in love that I want to be married forever
Because I’m so inlove
I want to share my life
My hopes, dreams, desires with this person
I want him to understand me
And to accept that he doesn’t when he doesn’t understand me
But to try
I want to travel
I want to help people
I want to try to answer all these questions that I have
I want to brainstorm
I want him to hold me at night
I want him to be on my level
Right here
I want us to try to figure ourselves out together
I’m not settling for less
I’m alone but I’m not lonely
I want to have children because it is the product of love
But to wait until we’re ready
Not have them because that’s what you do
To love is to share
My happiness depends on this lack of settlement
But what if my search for this will only lead to unhappiness
For not finding what it is that I’ve been searching for
Due to it’s non existence
What if we will always have a certain level of void in our hearts
What would be the point to life is we were all completely fulfilled?
My brain my explode

Alas, I feel so much better.

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