i could have walked, but

i could have walked, but 

then something felt different 

i just knew it was right 

the lines turned from one to two

in that bathroom in the middle of the night

i could have walked, but instead i ran to you

the days that you were born, 

when i heard your hungry cry

when they told me to leave you

so you'd sleep through the night, 

i could have walked, but instead i ran to you

they said that you would be spoiled

and to stop picking you up

the day that you hurt your head

when I heard that thump, 

i could have walked but instead i ran to you

when you took your first scoots 
and then you started crawling, 

when i heard you say your first words

and when you started walking,

i could have walked but instead i ran to you

when you held out your hand 

to hold mine so tight 

when you had a bad dream 

and cried out at night 

i could have walked but instead i ran to you

when you had your first accident

that left your clothes dripping wet,

when you said you didn't feel well

here baby let me feel your head

i could have walked but instead i ran to you

when you heard those hurtful words

that tore your heart into pieces

you dug into my chest 

i wiped your tears with my kisses

i could have walked, but instead i ran to you

vision blurred with tears
as we laid my own mother to rest
on my milk soaked chest at my breast
you needed me to be my best
i could have walked but instead i ran to you

i've since died to myself
you nourish the deepest parts of my soul
i feel you holding me tight
when things feel out of control
on your chest
through your breaths
you could have walked, but instead you ran to me

i cry out through the fog of my fears
so thick i can no longer see
when life is too painful to bear
you could have turned a blind eye to me
you could have walked
you could have
you could have never come at all
but instead you run to me
 
-madina lawlis

previously unpublished photos i finally feel ready to share of our last thanksgiving with my mom 2015