Wednesday, July 1

The Sling Diaries Volume VI Better Together ::ambition::

You could say that I've had my share. 

I speak and dream in three languages, but I mainly have my parents to thank for that.  I taught myself how to play guitar when I was 13 years old and carried those dreams in my guitar case everywhere I went. 

I wrote songs about lost love that I had never actually experienced and while every one else was busy drinking and figuring out what dress to wear to prom, I was trying to figure out how to score a gig to sing with Michelle Branch, she was my favorite.  School came too easy for me and I graduated high school at 16 with so many credits that I started college as a sophomore.  I didn't even go to prom because I was already in college...and the big plans that were so intricately laid out for me and that I had for myself were not about to be wasted at some high school dance.  Plus, I wasn't allowed to date so dances were out of the question anyway.  I lived out every day as a step closer to my future.  I needed to excel and finish school as quickly as possible so that I could finally have time to do the fun things that I actually wanted to do with my life.  I come from a very academic family so any grade lower than an A and any degree other than a doctorate was equivalent to failing (I just laughed out loud typing that because it is actually so true!) so I just did what I had to do, constantly looking ahead.  I graduated with my doctorate from pharmacy school at 23, when many students were just starting out and that's when I realized that I had done everything that I had set out to do. what?  As any good Arab girl would have done, move back home and marriage would obviously be next in the natural course of things.  My parents made some mentions of potential men who were interested in marrying me and that's when I ran as fast as I could in the other direction.  I was finally moving to Austin Texas with my best friend to pursue my artistic dreams and nothing was going to stop me.  Nothing...except the very ounce of my being that told me that I was not supposed to go.  I cried every day and asked my heart why, I cried when I turned down the pharmacy job that I wanted so badly and worked so hard to get at Target and asked them to hold it for me in case I changed my mind.  I wanted it to feel right and even though it was everything that I had wanted, my heart loudly said no.  So I listened and I stayed, alone.  Less than a year later, I met the man who showed me why my plans were not meant to go as planned.  From that moment on, I decided to start living for the present.  I think back on my past and my ambitions had so much to do with what others wanted for me and I just needed to get there so that I could finally start living the life that I envisioned for myself.  The problem with that is tomorrow is never guaranteed and many times we go through life taking that for granted. I believe that some seasons are meant for growth and movement and doing while others are meant to ground us.  I have realized that it has proven best for me to let go, and let God, and since then, I have never looked back.  The beautiful life that I now share with my husband and our daughters is not based on our ambitions for tomorrow or next month or next year, rather it's about soaking it all in today because there's not a minute about right now that I want to miss.  Sometimes, it's about making it to nap time where both girls finally sleep and I get some much needed rest too. It's about remembering to take out the ground beef in time to defrost for supper. It's about watching our daughter with tears in my eyes run to her daddy when he walks through the door every afternoon.  It's about those mornings when I'm wearing one baby in my sling while the other one sits on the counter top in the kitchen coloring while I make pancakes and put up the dishes from the night before.  It's about reflecting on the things that I failed at today and hoping that I get another chance to do better tomorrow.  I love how children have this innate ability to help us realize that the present truly is a gift to be cherished because of how much they grow in the blink of an eye.  I don't think that I have lost myself or my ambitions in motherhood, in fact, I think that I truly found myself when I became a mother.  So the many times that I hear people talking about all the things that you have to give up when you become a parent, truly I will tell you this, becoming a parent is about all the beautiful things that your life will gain.

*the sling that I am photographed wearing Gwendolyn in is Raisin from the Chambray line of double linen slings provided to me by Sakura Bloom.  I am so grateful for the opportunity to work with a company that I absolutely love*

All photographs are ©City of Hearts Photography 

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