Sunday, May 31

through the glass

Sometimes I feel like I cheat my way through life by taking photos that freeze my favorite moments, the way I want to remember them so that I can relive them over and over.  


Because there have been hard times, especially the past 2 weeks.  We are dealing with nap resistance and nursing exhaustion and I kind of feel like I have crashed from my birth high.  So many days I have felt like a failure of a mother and I can look around and think that everyone else must be doing a much better job than I am.  Comparison is the killer of my joy.

To overcome that, I pick up my camera.  A long time ago, I told myself to make it a goal to take at least one photograph a day.  It quickly became one of the things that has strengthened my relationship with God the most.  I don't consider it cheating because I remember everything that happened before I took these photos.  I remember Ari Love having a little (by little I mean huge) accident and me wiping poop from the wall and from my arms and legs and all over the bed and so I cried while asking why over and over again.  I honestly didn't know what else to do so I cried, and when she saw the tears coming down my face, she ran up to me and immediately wiped them away and held me in her arms.  I was being comforted by our 20 month old daughter and while she held me, I sobbed like I was the child, and she was the mother and I told her how sorry I was.  I didn't know that someone so young could be so emotionally intelligent, and have such a way of bringing me so much peace in a moment where I felt out of control.  The amazing thing is that she forgives and forgets so easily, and many times I want to just wither away in self pity and she doesn't allow it.  

Fact is that we are all so far from perfect.  But to focus on our imperfections constantly sounds like another killer of joy.  If I am to have a child-like faith like the one I see in our Ari Love, then I am to forgive myself and forget just as quickly as she does.  Christ tells us to rejoice in Him, and even the hard times become beautiful and we can see past the hardships and into opportunities of growth. 
This is what makes reliving these snapshots so special to me.  Looking through that viewfinder helps me see that my love and I get to raise the sisters that I have always wanted, but never had.  It inspires me to live a deeper, more honest life.  One that searches for beauty in the mundane, chooses to see the glass as half full, and that life is truly all about perspective.   

If you have a moment this week, can you please pray for sweet Emily from the Freckled Fox and her beautiful family.  I have never met her but quickly fell in love with her hair, beauty, honesty, and how deeply she loves her family.  Her husband was recently diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and she is due to give birth to their 5th baby any day. Truly her grace is awe inspiring and I know that our love and support will mean so much.  Hug your loved ones tighter today and tell them that you love them, tomorrow is never a given.

1 comment:

  1. I love this post so much! I need to bookmark it and have it handy...I'm due with baby #2 in 6 weeks and I'm sure I will be going through the same thing. I also love the idea of taking a photo every day! I hope you know we all feel "less than" in motherhood at times and that's ok, as long as we realize that's just a feeling and not TRUTH. I can't remember where but not long after having my first baby I came across an article that discussed allowing your children see you vulnerable and it's ok to let them see you cry and comfort you. That's not a mommy fail! It helps them grow into loving and compassionate adults. Obviously if it's happenimg all day every day that's another issue, but we all get overwhelmed and frustrated and sometimes crying is just a good release. You're doing awesome mama, keep up the good work!