Wednesday, June 26

So here's the thing..

..I have my whole post-pregnancy work out/eating routine planned out.  I'm like...bring on the B.O.B. jogging stroller, walks to the beach, swimming, yoga with baby, breast-feeding marathons, and everything else that helps you lose the baby pounds.

But right now, I'm honestly lucky if I have the energy to turn the page of the child-birthing book that I'm currently reading.

I am so tired all the time.  Someone please help me.

Ari's blanket that I'm already using...

Sometimes, I get so hungry that it hurts to even eat.  Sometimes, all I want to eat are pickles.  

 Sometimes, I don't want anything to do with food.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I don't think that I look that big.  Then Brent took this photo of me and I literally gasped out loud!  Is that really me?!

28 weeks pregnant

Someone asked me if I was having twins.  When I said no, she asked if I was sure.

29 weeks pregnant

I think.

I'll be honest and say that it made me feel really self-concious.  Already, my body is going through all these changes, my hormones are raging, I'm heavier than I have ever been in my life, and the last thing I want to hear is what a man trying to be nice said to me in the elevator, "so you must be due any day now huh?"  Bless his heart.

No.  I'm not due any day now.  I still have about 2 months to go.  Oh.  Awkward moment.  Ding.  Elevator door opens.  Not sure if this is my floor but I'm getting out anyway.  Yeah.

I've always been a huge fitness junkie.  But it all started for the wrong reasons.  I began to run when I was 13 years old because I was overweight, had low self-esteem, and had a lot of issues with my body image.  Over time though, (a period of 8 or so years), I realized that it was more important to be healthy and fit for myself, and not for anyone else.  This mind set turned my whole life around.  I became the healthiest mentally and physically than I had ever been.

My midwife is really supportive and said that as long as I'm eating healthy and exercising, then the amount of weight I gain is not an issue at all.  I've been eating healthy and exercising regularly, but sometimes it's really hard for me to accept the weight gain.  Especially when the fatigue and swelling kicks in and I can't do anything about it.

This has honestly been the hardest part about pregnancy for me.  Especially since it's something that I've previously struggled with, I think those issues re-surface every now and again and I just can't stop myself from crying.  Thank goodness for my precious husband who is always so in tune with my emotions.

I don't fear going into labor, contractions, child-birthing, or any of those things.  But what I have realized I do fear is that my husband won't think I'm attractive if I gain too much weight.  I know it's silly, but it's really how I feel.  I told Brent this yesterday in between crying and laughing at the same time.  He was so confused bless his heart.  Holy Moly hormones are ridiculous.  This is what he tells me and has basically always told me:

You are beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines.  It's more than that.  You are beautiful, for the way you think.  You are beautiful, for that sparkle in your eyes when you talk about something you love.  You are beautiful, for your ability to make other people smile even if you are sad.  You are not beautiful for something as temporary as your looks.  It's more than that.  You are beautiful, deep down to your soul.

I know.  I love him too.

I feel the same way about him.  My McDreamy.

He's my treasure at the end of the rainbow

F.E.A.R. - False Evidence Appearing Real

F.A.I.T.H. - Full Assurance In The Heart

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